How you ever thought about how much love you have?
February 11th of last year, I was given some news that will probably haunt me forever. I had insisted that Mike’s doctor give me his opinion on the progression of Mike’s disease because we had decisions to make. But never had I expected what he was about to tell me. He told me that Mike, my husband of almost 38 years, would be leaving me to go to his heavenly home in a month or less. You talk about shock. Yes we were in shock. Do you know how hard it is to tell your children that their father who has always loved them unconditionally will not be with them much longer? And do you know how hard it is as a mother to watch your children hurt because their daddy will not be there to see their children grow up. The next few days were a blur.
We came home from the hospital on Hospice and for the next couple of weeks our house was a revolving door to all of our acquaintances, friends and family. Visitors poured in. From 8 o’clock every morning until 10 o’clock every night, people came. They came to visit as well as bring us food, paper goods, etc. We were so blessed. We never wanted for anything. And Mike loved every minute of it. He wanted to see everyone. He wanted to spend time with everyone that he loved. He wanted everyone to know that he loved them. (He was always a people person and I often accused him of wanting to be the center of attention.) People questioned our decision to have so many visitors but it was what Mike wanted. He did not want us to be sad. He only had a little time left and he wanted us to be happy, so we were.
Although I may have not made the same decision if I had been the one dying, I never questioned Mike as to why he felt the way he did. I just honored his request. And I don’t guess I have really even wondered about it since then but once again, God pointed out the obvious to me.
Yesterday I was reading an article in the February issue of Journey (yes I read them ahead of time and I usually read the whole thing in one setting instead of daily) entitled “Commanded to Love.” The article demonstrated how a lady who because she knew she was dying wanted to love and pray for more people than ever before. And then it occurred to me. That is exactly what Mike was doing. He knew he did not have much time left so he wanted to show his love to as many people as possible. His family knew he loved them but he needed everyone else to know how much he loved them, also.
And that thought led me to this question: Why are we so selfish with our love? We tend to save our love for our family and close friends. But why? Love never ends, we have an endless supply; we cannot run out of love so why do we use it so sparingly? You know if we had an endless supply of money I bet we would give it away. Can you imagine how much fun that would be to just give people money, pay people’s bills, buy people new wardrobes and the list goes on. But love doesn’t cost us anything, we just have it and it is available at all times. So let’s do as God commands, let’s love one another. And let’s do it now while we think we still have lots of time on this earth!
So how much love do we have, we have an infinite supply!
I have always been told that if I think something, I might as well say it because God hears it anyway. Well yesterday, something happened to me that proved this to be true.
One day earlier this week, my mind was wandering. It tends to do that a lot these days. It bounces from one random thought to another and for no apparent reason. I can’t focus on anything long enough to finish a simple task. For instance, I may start folding clothes, get side-tracked, and not finish the job for days. When you find yourself living alone after 53 years of living with other people, there are just some things that are not important. Who cares if the clothes are folded or not? But there also a lot of things that I have just never had to do before, I am blessed and I have always had someone to take care of me.
So anyway, back to the task at hand. See, I’m already wandering off task again. My mind was wandering and all of sudden this thought came to me: Who is gonna tell me when I need to buy new tires for my car? Now where did that thought come from? Buying new tires is just not something I think about. Mike would always tell me when I needed to put new tires on my car. If I am not having flats, I see no need and I really don’t enjoy spending money on tires. So I thought, well I could ask one of my brothers, Reagan or Pookey. They would be glad to help me. Or, I could ask Ed, or I could probably even go to Buddy Brandon’s and ask him. And that was that. I didn’t give new tires another thought.
And here comes the funny part. Yesterday, I was in Shreveport with my sister, Cindy, and Mrs. Teresa. We were walking towards my car and out of the blue, Cindy says, “Nancy, you are fixing to need to replace your tires.” I stopped dead in my tracks. I said, “How do you know I need new tires?” Cindy replied, “I drove a bus for 30 years, I had to keep a watch on things like that.”
Now, you may call this a coincidence, but I prefer to believe that God was trying to show me that He knows what I need and he is taking care of me before I even think to ask him. I believe that he heard my thought and he wanted me to understand that I don’t need to waste time worrying over simple everyday tasks. He has everything under control.
Talk About It
Death is a part of life. Everyone experiences the death of a loved one.
“We are social beings, physical beings, and spiritual beings,” says Rev. Clay Evans. “When you lose someone you are attached to, it is normal, it is natural, for you to grieve.”
If grief is natural and is part of everyone’s life, why is there a feeling of discomfort when someone mentions the death of a loved one? Why the embarrassment when tears come during an ordinary conversation?
People in grief may avoid their friends and even their church to prevent these awkward moments. This is not how it should be. Someone needs to move beyond the discomfort. Be the first one to squelch the prevailing attitude of embarrassment and unease, and start talking about grief.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NASB).
Lord Jesus, grieving is as natural and as common as loving. I want to help make it as acceptable, too. May my healing journey spark healing in those around me. Amen.
This was my daily griefshare email this morning and it really struck home with me. I do feel like people are afraid to mention Mike to me probably because they don’t want to make me sad. But I am sad. Mike is on my mind constantly, he is in my every thought, he is everywhere I look, he is in everything I do, he is in everywhere I go, he is in my home, he is in my children, he is in my grandchildren, he is in our friends. HE IS EVERYWHERE! He was a major part of my life for more than 38 years. He will never go away. And I don’t want to forget Mike and I don’t want others to forget him either.
So just know that it is okay. It you have a good memory of him, share it with me. It may make be tear up but that’s okay. I do it all the time anyway so wouldn’t it be better to be crying because of a good memory than just because I am sad. I have been told and I do believe that one day I will be able to think of Mike and instead of being sad, be HAPPY. I look forward to that day! God bless!
And by the way, one of the last things that Mike told us as a family was that he wanted us to be Happy, Happy, Happy! So just know, that although we have lots of tears, we are trying to be Happy!